I AM LOOKING FOR ADVICE. Dalton had a soccer game today which he would hardly participate in. He was out there but he just walked around, he wouldn't run, and he kicked the ball with less umph than a one year old. When we practice with him he runs, kicks the ball and makes goals. Quite well I may add. When it comes to practice with his team or a game he just refuses to do anything. He says he doesn't want to play any more with the team. He says he just wants to play with people he knows. We feel it's not fair to the rest of the team that he is not participating and that there are two other team members on the side lines who would love to be out there playing. Then the other side of us says don't let him be a quitter. Then he is only five. He has never played in a team sport. He doesn't do well in large groups of people-mostly because he has never been in large groups of people. (unless you count Wal Mart)
I can tell you I have cried to the point it has made me sick today. I don't know what to do. I feel I have failed him already and I don't want to worsen my mistakes.
PLEASE, Give me your opinions and advice!
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3 comments:
Karen,
I've been thinking about this soccer thing & since you asked for advice here's mine, for whatever it's worth. First of all, you needen't be hard on yourself. He's five, almost six & this is his first ever team sport. In no way,shape or form is this a reflection of you & Denny & your parenting. With that being said however, here's where I think some character building comes in. This is nothing more than a training opportunity. He may be only five but he is a man in training. I personally think you should help him to be a man of character & commitment. He made a commitment to his team to play for this season. Now granted you can't force, nag, manipulate him to play. But you can help him to be a man of his word. If you can teach him to see through this season even if he doesn't ever kick the ball again or score a goal he will have learned more than if he was the star player every game. I would have a talk with him about being a team player & leave it at that. Don't nag him or get on to him. Just explain what being a team player means & what is expected of him for the season as being a team player. Once the season is over he can decide whether or not he wants to play soccer again, try another team sport or hang up team sports all together. And whatever he decides will be okay just allow him the opportunity to be held accountible. I have a feeling if he stays on the team things will change. Making him stay is no detriment to the team, they wouldn't get a replacement player anyway. So, anyway that's my opinion, again for whatever its worth. I hope that you & Denny are able to come to resolution that makes you both happy & ultimately teaches Dalton.
One last thing, Don't get angry in this situation. It's not anger worthy & he will get the impression he is ultimately in control of all of this, when in reality you should be.
Barb, THANK YOU! You are a doll and once again your wisdom if far beyond your years. I had alreay talked with Dalton and told him we were going to the games and practice and he was dressing out and if he didn't want to play he could watch and if he decided to play then he would be ready. I am going to talk with him about being a team player and sticking with it. You can tell he wants to but he keeps holding himself back.
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